Divorce Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

Now Showing! 'YOUR MONEY, CAR AND HOUSE' The sequel to 'What Women Want'.

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'My wife says not to worry. She's convinced she can get me out of here with coupons.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

'I got custody of the kids.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

"Look, I'm very sorry Judy but I really feel I need a new porpoise in life."

Congratulations on your Divorce

"The law says his wife gets half of everything he owns."

'I'm divorcing you...and I want custody of the squids.'

'Currently, my assets are diversified. They're split up among my 4 ex-wives.'

'Well, I think that's a fair split. I get the house, and you get the mortgage repayments.'

'Steve's divorce was really harsh - His wife got the house.'

"Mommy divorced Daddy because Daddy was noncompliant."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

The Cat's version of cans tied to the back of a wedding car driving off with Mice attached

'I agree, Hadley, we've seen very little of each other but that's what I intended when I divorced you.'

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

'Why do divorces cost so much?' - 'Because they're worth it.'

'Can't we just get a divorce?'

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

Early divorce settlement