Divorce Connoisseur T-Shirts

"I have been happily married... three times!"

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'Love me little, love me long.'

'No Fred, this one is one me!'

Next Round Indicator

'Fill her up. No ice - it takes up valuable space!'

'I'm on the short degree course... hell of a lot to pack into one year!'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"On second thoughts, I'll have it stirred, not shaken."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

Man tries to remove a cocktail umbrella.

Spring Water

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

My Philosophy take #74

Wildlife Refuge

"I'm married but I'm separated."

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

"Looks like the Huffman divorce is in previews."

'This dinner had everything necessary to make it perfect...Great food, candlelight, violinist... you clutching your chest after seeing the check.'

'You were right - the honeymoon is a bad time to get to know a gal!'

"...your ex-wife also mentions a gold filling."