Married Life Connoisseur Gifts

"I was going to wake you up with oral sex this morning, but you looked like you could use the extra sleep."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'Love me little, love me long.'

'...better or worse...better or worse...better or worse...'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

Kindly readers, our resident counselor, Sadie Cohen, will be answering actual questions sent to her via email. Prepare to get an earful of wisdom! Dr. Sadie, I am in a relationship with a beautiful woman who I wish to marry but am still reeling from my first marriage scares me. How do I get over that fear? Signed, Fearful in Salt Lake City. Fear is a worthless emotion. It doesn't help at all. What you should be feeling is terror. Run for your life.

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

So all is not rosy in the garden?

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

"I married for contrast."

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Gender Symbols

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."