Married Life Connoisseur Gifts

"I was going to wake you up with oral sex this morning, but you looked like you could use the extra sleep."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

As long as there are husbands, we'll get our's money's worth!

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'Love me little, love me long.'

'I'm doing a wine tasting course, it's fascinating. . .'

Goldilocks and the three boyfriends.

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'In sickness and in health, under affordable health care or unaffordable. . .'

'No, there isn't a probationary period!'

So all is not rosy in the garden?

'You think you're an incurable romantic? My prescription is to get married.'

'The website made a mistake. Not 'erotic' - 'neurotic'.'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"It's about time you finished the wall, Herbet...that's your problem, you never finish anything you start!"

"I'm the lot of baggage he comes with."

'It started with between-meal snacks -- now he's having between-snack noshes.'

"Hang on, I'll get him for you."

Apply to marry multi-marriage failure.

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, for whatever that's worth these days.'

"I love marriage...It's my husband I hate."

Gender Symbols

'I know you like romantic things, so I built us this love-nest. Stuck together with my own spit.'

"I married for contrast."

'I'm not the sitting tenant, I'm your husband.'

Dog to person whose legs are sticking out of doghouse: 'Which important date did you forget this time, Jeff?'

'What d'you mean - you've changed your minds?'

"That's Stuart and Vivian Muntner. They're a one-marriage family."

"Well, Pook, here's to one old marriage that just won't go away."

"I went ahead and got married without knowing the possible side effects."