Funny Breakup Storyteller Gifts

'This relationship just isn't working. I'm out.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I broke it off with him when I realized his love of quinoa was but a sham."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"Recently separated."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Poor guy..he just got a 'Dear John' fax!"

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

"My ex weighs at least 5 lbs and is 23 inches. He usually hangs around the old dock, and prefers worms. Remember, you didn't hear it from me..."

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

"I want you to leave and take your headlong slide into oblivion with you."

Divorcees Club - The Joy of Ex.

"To motivate me to walk farther, I hired my jerk ex-boyfriend to follow me."

Late for his dinner date for the third time, Randy finds-out the real danger of 'Asalt' weapons. . .

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

"It was ugly, she got custody of the tin cans, chewed tyre and the rusty bike pump... And I got the kids!"

'By this time next year you'll be with someone new. You'll tell her about today and laugh. You'll laugh that snorty little piggy laugh of yours. She'll throw you out too.'

"Look, I'm very sorry Judy but I really feel I need a new porpoise in life."

'Can't we just get a divorce?'

Early divorce settlement

HUSBAND FOR SALE - Am keeping the house.

'I used to be married but now I just have a motorcycle.'

"I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, Arron, but your bait's too small to attract anything else."