Breakup Humor Lover Gifts

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, Arron, but your bait's too small to attract anything else."

'It's not you, Frank... it's your little cock...'

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

Hello. I'm Ferdinand. I'll be monitoring the levels of bull at your table this evening. Menu. Menu.

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

Reading the sports pages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Early man wasn't exactly enthusiastic about the development of language.

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Aging Problems

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Bowling. 24 Lanes. Going bowling for date night with my girlfriend as a bad idea. A split was inevitable.

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'