Breakup Humor Lover Pillows

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I know there's plenty more fish in the sea, Arron, but your bait's too small to attract anything else."

'It's not you, Frank... it's your little cock...'

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

Reading the sports pages.

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

...My feng shui would be incompatible with your sumo wrestling.

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

Aging Problems

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

Missing Persons - "50 years old, 16 stone and bad tempered... Are you sure you want her back?"

"You knew I was high maintenance when we met."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'Have you beed seeing other females?'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

'What d'you mean, I never take you anywhere-who took you to the Festival of Britain?'

'...and another thing - why do I always have to sleep in the wet spot?'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."