Breakup Humorist Pillows

"Let's face it, Diana. I'm not good enough for you, and vice versa."

"Sorry, babe, this ain't gonna work out. I'm lactose intolerant."

"We broke up last month but still fight over custody of the kids we had hoped to have one day."

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

Barry and Jenny pretty much backed into their romance, thus making it easier to find their way out when it was kaput....

"I've got a very particular set of skills. And putting up with you isn't one of them."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"I just love the way you're so endlessly inventive in the bedroom."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"You really ought to cut down on your scream time."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Well, thanks, but we have no need of a Divorce Lawyer: We're Lovebirds you see...'

"I said I'd give you the world, didn't I?"

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I'm Lester Holt, and this, is date night."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"See that stain? My wife did that, not me. All her, totally her fault."

When at a loss for words Colin would often resort to communicating through the medium of contemporary dance.

Tunnel of Temporary Infatuation

"I've learned something about you tonight, Alan. You say 'chowmein' when you mean 'lomein'."

Always Compatible

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

"It's partly my fault he's been ignoring me lately. I'm the one who gave him the laser pointer."

"What's with the Tim Russert act?"

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

'Don't blame me -- You're the one who had to have more personal space!'

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'The way we met was interesting. I opened my wallet and there she was!'