Breakup Comedians Pillows

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

Occu-Pie Mars

They're Not Just That Into It

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

I thought I was proposing to Sally, but evidently I was challenging her to a twenty year series of debates.

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Toothbrush Romance

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'If I inspired this love peom, how come it's written on the back of a Hooters' napkin?'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

So … how did you two meet?

"He was a rescue."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

'man trouble? What you need is a big piece of cake.'

Woody Allen

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'