Breakup Comedians Pillows

'I'd love to see you again, just not in this lifetime!'

Occu-Pie Mars

Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"Maybe we should have just had a baby..."

'Stop staring and make a wish!'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"My wife says she wants you to make me fit for purpose."

Toothbrush Romance

"That was Copernicus on the phone – he says you're NOT the centre of the universe!"

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

'I'm SECRET Santa, kid.'

'No, but thanks for asking.'

' You're wonderful.' 'I know.'

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

'There you go again...constantly snagging!'

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"He was a rescue."

'Can't you be happy without forever whistling?'