Relationship Comedians Pillows

"Sleep tight and dream of me."

Critics In Love

"It's from my parents. An invitation to our wedding."

'I know it's the thought that counts - what were you thinking?'

'Be honest with me, Louis. Are you seeing someone else?'

"We don't have any chemistry. It's more like an allergic reaction!"

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'

'Can we kind of get married?'

Women blabs on during date, guy imagines waterskiing squirrel.

"You didn't tip the paper boy."

'If I died, would you re-marry?. . . Would you give him my golf clubs?'

"Women do not appreciate power tools as last minute gift ideas."

I think it's time we started seeing other people.

"Why are you so reluctant to marry me?"

"Phil, honey, do you ever think about taking our relationship to the next level?"

I went to see the doctor today...he confirmed you're about to become a husband.

'I want one that says 'get lost' but includes a pocket compass.'

"Just shut up! Can't you see you're interfering with the communication and navigation systems of the plane?"

'Last seen running away from St. Paul's Church...'

Standards...What standards??!

"Oh... Was that you knocking?"

"But WHAT makes you think he doesn't like you?"

'This contains Fred's ashes - I was determined to make sure he'd remain useful around the house!'

'... And before you get any ideas, I'm a lesbian!'

Pedantic romantic.

'Yes, very. Lance even more jerky, however...'

"Thinking happy thoughts, dearest?"

"Oh man... there is nothing like a cigarette after a passionate night of 'texting'!"

"Do they know we're rats?"

"We never spend any time with my friends either!"

10 love tips from experts to you

"He's nice, but he won't leave."