Breakup Humor Fans Pillows

"Look, I'm very sorry Judy but I really feel I need a new porpoise in life."

Life is for the birds.

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

'Marry me!'

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

'Your wife called while you were out, sir -- she loves you and wants to know where the hell you put the car keys.'

Warbling on the First Date

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"I love you, Beverly, but, when I'm with you, I feel out of my depth."

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

'We need to talk.'