Divorce Humor Lover Pillows

'And I thought I was leaving you.'

His and Hers Wedding

'Butch, did you shoot my liberty valance?'

"What do you mean, there's no room for my stuff?"

'Someday, Son, all this will be your ex-wife's.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

'I've been happily married for 15 years... that covers 3 marriages.'

"And they all said, twenty five years ago, that our trial seperation wouldn't last!!"

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

"Yes, we know them. We like them, but we're not crazy about, you know, the other him."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Google Translate for Marriagese

"Look, I've already told you. There's not enough room in the saucer to abduct your wife."

"Would you like me to leave room for us to get back together?"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"I deliberately married an archaeologist because I thought the older I got, the more interest you would show in me..."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"What ever happened to 'Never go to bed angry'?"

"Get with the program, Barry, the certificate clearly said, 'till death do we part'."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'I got custody of the kids.'

'I wish you wouldn't refer to me as your running mate!'

"Ah, honey?" "Yes, sweetheart?" "You've left it in the drawer again."

"He left me. I doubt it was for another woman, though. He asked me for a letter of recommendation."

Angry wife and a drunken husband will need medical assistance.

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

Lateral thinking...thought bubble bypassing wife's head.

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."

Congratulations on your Divorce

"I left my wife today. Of course it was to pick up her dry cleaning and feminine products but it felt good."

"I'm sorry, Sparky... I don't think we're a good fit."