Breakup Humor Fan Gifts

Life is for the birds.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"First date hairball... awkward."

'Stop complaining woman, you wanted a boating holiday!'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'I wouldn't kick her out of bed.'

"He should be up and complaining in no time."

"Open a wine that will make me want to watch the shows you want to watch."

"It's Doris Kearns Goodwin. Is there anything we'd like to know about the Presidency?"

"You don't sniff my butt anymore."

"This merger is not producing the expected synergies."

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Roger, you're just a Rooster and I'm just a Hen. Is all of this necessary?'

"Well that's the last of our offspring gone - let battle commence."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

What do I want out of our relationship? Same thing anyone wants. Good value.

'As your solicitor I must ask you to consider divorce an option of last resort. We could mount a drone strike against your husband at a fraction of the cost.'

'Marry me!'

"Manfred, don't get so defensive!"

"Ogden, you're taking yourself too damn seriously."

'I told you he had a temper.'

“Stop avoiding me. I know when you are sleeping. I know when you are awake.”

'Sorry, I'm afraid it was a false alarm. It turns out that 'the emergency gas leak' was my husband.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"I got my wife a book on decluttering and the first thing to go was me."

"Do you have to put tomato sauce on everything?"

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

"He's a terrible drunk."

'Not that insect, silly! That's my husband.'

'You never comment in hushed tones of awe when you catch a glimpse of MY wonders of nature!'

"This now concludes our broadcast day."