Breakup Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'This is it Tom. We part friends, each going their seperate way.'

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"What's come between us?"

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

"No heroic measures."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"... and don't forget to clean out the garage and attic... and the gutters need to be..." "Put a sock in it, Sally. You knew I wasn't an eager beaver when you married me."