Breakup Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'This is it Tom. We part friends, each going their seperate way.'

"When will that woman get the message?? It's over!! I've left her!!"

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"You're hogging the covers again!"

'Adam, you left the toilet rock up again!'

"Doctor - at home I get this nagging pain... what do you recommend?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

'Looks like the Wentworths are still on the outs.'

Still Lives: 'What's wrong, don't you love me anymore?'

"Trust me. It's no big deal. I'm even tuning you out right now."

'His ego needs lipo suction!'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

'I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer.'

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"What's come between us?"

"I want an instant replay of you taking out the garbage."

'My wife likes it when I help out in the kitchen.'

"I told you. All men are reptiles.!

"Well yes, pretty and kind were big factors, but her nitpicking abilities are what really won me over..."

"What do you mean I never take you anywhere? We're here, aren't we?"

"No heroic measures."

"If you'll have me, I'd like to be your blind spot."

"Happy anniversary, dear. How about a second honeymoon?" "Sure. Who with?"

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'

"I'm sorry, but it's just not going to work out between us. We're contraindicated."

"I now pronounce you a joint return."

"I never said I liked this show...I'm only enjoying it because you hate it."

'What do you mean, our marriage license has expired?'

"If you've been affected by any issues raised during our love-making there's a number you can call."