Marriage Philosopher Pillows

"You symbolize everything that's wrong with me."

'According to this magazine article, we should have divorced years ago.'

"I think the onset of my insanity was a cold wet day in September 1952 my wedding day..."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

Wife tells husband she only married him because she pitied him and he replies that everyone pities him now.

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"Time has come for me to take a wife."

"She asked for a divorce, but I outsmarted her and ran into the next room."

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

Senior Discontent.

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

'Lazy? He only married me because I came with a ready made family!'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'Did you come from a big family?' - 'Yes, I didn't know what it was like to sleep alone until I got married.'

'Is that all twenty-three years of marriage means to you - lack of job satisfaction?'

Woman on a pedestal who married the planning expert.

"My husband and I decided to stay together for the sake of the combined income."

Men expressing the belief that marriages of inclination on both sides never turn out well

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

"I always cry at weddings because I'm philosophically opposed to the institution of marriage."

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

You are cordially invited...

"You take small bites out life, Howard, and chew thoroughly."

"At first, collecting husbands seemed a harmless hobby."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"The emoji she used says she loves me..."

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'