Married Life Philosopher Pillows

'Yesterday, when you smiled at me in that cute way of yours and said 'You can be a real jerk,' was that just an observation or were you giving me permission?'

'You're wasting your time, pal -- I'm a married man.'

"Don't ask me for a description, I might change my mind about wanting him back."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Darling, you never let me see the side of you that pays."

"Hey. Whatever happened to our sexual relations? "

'And thanks be to the lord that we're going out to eat on Friday...'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

Another Filibuster from the Secretary of the Interior of My Car

'There's an app you can program to delete your trash? I've had one for years called Dave.'

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'Don't be so sensitive,I only dozed of for a moment.'

"It's only fair. He has a man cave."

"George is fluent in two languages. English and total nonsense."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"Hello darling! - I'm back from the black hole!!"

"I suggest you read this book....it comes highly recommended by earthlings."

"You call that worrying?"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Why don't we compromise... you admit I'm right and I'll agree with you."

"Look, I still fit into the fitted sheet I wore when we met."

"The wattle fairy came again last night."

"We should probably stop calling each other 'Fluffy's person' and 'Fifi's person' and learn each other's real names - now that we're married I mean."

"I'll be on the porch, pushing ninety."

"It's all about compromise. He's not dishwasher safe and I'm not microwave safe, but we make it work."

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"It's your husband, Mrs. Thompson. He's come unraveled again."

'Looks like the doctor confirmed my diagnosis. It's not just your bowel. Everything about you is irritable.'