Marital Philosopher Pillows

"My wife understands me."

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"I think we're separated, but he says we just haven't seen each other in three years due to scheduling conflicts."

'Ours has been happy! We realized from the beginning you have to have common interests!"

'They already beat me down to zero at work, Margaret, so the joke's on you.'

'I'd heard about the Peter Principle, of course, but I never really understood it till I got married.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

You are cordially invited...

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

Marriage Guidance