Marital Philosopher Gifts

"My wife understands me."

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"I think we're separated, but he says we just haven't seen each other in three years due to scheduling conflicts."

'Ours has been happy! We realized from the beginning you have to have common interests!"

'They already beat me down to zero at work, Margaret, so the joke's on you.'

'I'd heard about the Peter Principle, of course, but I never really understood it till I got married.'

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

Romance is more difficult for robots than it is for people. Sure, we can check for compatibility by comparing operating systems but until battery technology improves, all our relationships will be on-again, off-again. Worst of all, we can't handle passion. When the sparks are flying a romance blowup will follow.

'We'll never understand these kids. It's the old evolution gap.'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"You're only as old as you feel, right, honey? And today, I feel like being 24!"

'Wow, that was unforgettable.'-'What was?'

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

"Love comes and goes, Janet, but this is true co-dependency!"

"And that's another thing, when did you last take me out ?"

'I wonder how my husband is managing at the construction site with my gavel.'

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

"Now remember - ten paces, turn and fire..."

You are cordially invited...

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

Marriage Guidance

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

'Everytime I look at another man he hits the ceiling.'

"When we get inside, remember to use your indoor whining and complaining voice."