Marriage Critic Gifts

'A house? You must be joking! He doesn't even have his own teeth.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

The finer points of marriage.

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

You are cordially invited...

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'