Marriage Critic Gifts

'A house? You must be joking! He doesn't even have his own teeth.'

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

The finer points of marriage.

'Huh! You men are all alike!'

'It isn't supposed to taste good. It's furniture polish.'

"I never thought I'd get married again."

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'No, he didn't have any last words,his wife was in there and she did all of the talking right up to the end.'

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

"When I said 'I'm leaving' this morning I meant for the office"

'The marriage counseling session didn't help -- she still claims she never saw me before in her life.'

"Yes I know...she just needs a passport!"

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

Tunnel of what passes for love these days. Tickets.

Evolution of love

'So is this your lazy days of summer, or are we still working on spring?'

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

"...as they may share in our joy.", "For we are all as one."

'oh...You're home, just when my spirits were rising.'

You are cordially invited...

"A guy can fall in love with a smile, then make the mistake of marrying the whole girl."

Spark Notes Wedding Vows

"I liked you better as my first husband."

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"I said I was sorry. No need to bite my head off!"

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

'When I think of all the men I could've married...'