Marriage Philosophers Gifts

"Norman, the proper response is 'I do'...not 'If I have to'!"

"Remember - no mention of planned obsolescence."

Marriage least expected to last...

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

'Is that 'forsaking all others' bit compulsory?'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

'We just don't talk anymore, Gerald!'

The Sleeping Congregation.

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"And do you, Stephanie, promise to love, honor and 'obey'?

"We'll make your wedding reception perfect, and don't forget you get a money-saving coupon for any future divorce parties."

'We're looking for a minister who recognizes that relationships have a built in obsolesces.'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

How's your marriage working out? I'm considering the foreign legion...but I doubt whether they'll take her.

"Now that that's over, let me tell you what I'm really like"

Cards: Wedding / You've Changed / You don't Understand Me / I'm Leaving! / I'm going for a pint!

"The Tudballs got married by a judge. I still say a jury should have been present!"

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

'And will you take this man to the cleaners....'

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

You are cordially invited...

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

Marriage Exit Strategy

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"Martha, are you sure you're not marrying me for money?"

'Darling what will you give me for this ring?'

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"I'd like you to meet my Husband 2.0!"

Stay Tuned

"Look, all I'm asking is that we let market forces bring a greater degree of efficiency into our marriage."

"But it's supposed to be recreational sex, not guilt sex."