Matrimonial Thinker Pillows

'Don't worry, I was just thinking outside the ring.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

Parson and abandoned husband

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

Mrs Cat waiting for Mr Cat coming home late.

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

You are cordially invited...

"I say 'tomarto', he says 'tomayto', I say 'portarto', he says 'potayto'. Why else do you think we're here?"

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"When a relationship needs mainenance, it would be great if you could just call a super."

'You're not alone, Mr. Scrapp. A lot of hyenas are sensitive to laughter in the bedroom.'

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"Donald switched off in 1985 and i never bothered to switch him on again."

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

The End is Near...You Wish.

"... And the only time he takes me out, is to bring me here!"

"Norman, the proper response is 'I do'...not 'If I have to'!"

"You take small bites out life, Howard, and chew thoroughly."

Three Pointless Things to Do This Week: Break into a sweat/Search for the Hero Inside Yourself/Toy with the Idea of Leaving Your Husband or Wife.

"She asked for a divorce, but I outsmarted her and ran into the next room."

She realized with horror that she had settled for Les.

"Yes, dear, I like the idea of repeating our vows — but let's change some stuff."

"I've got to be honest with you. I've been married three times and each of them flew the coop."

"I always cry at weddings because I'm philosophically opposed to the institution of marriage."

"Time has come for me to take a wife."

'I know a lot of married couples don't talk at the breakfast table, but on their honeymoon.'