Marital Strategist Pillows

"Honey, please! I can’t concentrate with you in there being married to me!"

'My wife doesn't actually tell lies, but always manages to rearrange the truth in her favour. . .'

"There, but for the wrath of my wife, go I."

'I sent out for everything.'

I really think I can handle this date on my own. Lemme ask you something. Would you trust me alone with a ybot 340? An Xbox 360? They changed the name? Okay. But you cannot hit on my date. I'm only here to help.

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

It's important to women that a man has a good relationship with his mother. Why's that? House of Java .Net Cybercafe. Because how a man treats his mother is a good indicator of how he'll treat a girlfriend. That's why I created an app that calls your phone and displays a photo of you hugging your mom whenever a gorgeous lady is within three feet of you. It also displays a nice, sweet lady whenever you're within three feet of your mom.

Yeah, you're right. She's playing hard-to-get.

'He's a catch for any woman - there's so much to re-mould'

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

"Why won't you cuddle?"

A man reads a book called 'Opening Lines' while a woman reads a book called 'Brush Offs'.

"Instead of making a long-term commitment to marriage, I've decided to lease a man."

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

Is this Randy the Love Doctor? Speaking. What ails you, brother? My wife doesn't have a job. The other night she told me it'd be nice if I helped out a little more at home. So I replied "hey, I don't ask you to come to my place of business and do my job for me." I see. Have you tried the "act like I never said it and wait for her to forget it" routine? Yes, sir. I also, tried the "don't-make-eye-contact-until-she-forgets-it" maneuver. I'm running out of ideas.

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'Thanks for inviting me round to watch tv. Where is it?'

"Oh darling! I just got your wonderful value added proposition! Of course I'll marry you!"

'It would never work, Tommy - you have all the growth funds and mine are all value...'

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

Dating the efficiency expert.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Mergers or acquisitions.

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'And that, in a nutshell, is why men don't understand women.'

"Helen, is it possible that we are using our child as an intimacy barrier?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Single girl in wedding dress trying to catch a bachelor.

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I'm not trying to change you. That's the personal trainer I hired's job."