Love Strategist Pillows

"No, I don't think our marriage would benefit from a mission statement."

'There you are, sir - Would you also like to purchase a maintenance agreement?'

'By proposing a merger instead of marriage, we can deduct this meal as a business expense.'

'...assuming the numbers are right, ask her to marry you.'

'Can't you diversify!'

"Foreplay? What do you want that for?"

How to attract women, advice #317: Try to appeat to their maternal instincts, but in moderation.

"I got my wife some flowers for Valentine's Day...she has hay fever."

'He's my dating coach. Don't worry, you'll get used to him after a few hours.'

"Is he a good alimony risk?"

Man lets a young lady believe he sent her a flower that was sent by a rival.

'...and then, when I asked if I could see her home, she showed me a photograph of her house.'

They had a combustible relationship.

"It would help diversify your portfolio."

'What's the difference between a mistress and a wife?'

Marriage counselor, living together counselor or a just screwing around counselor.

'This sound? That's my biological clock. By the way- are you married?'

'When you play hard to get you really mean it, don't you?'

Dating the efficiency expert.

Cupid Takes it Up a Notch

Cody tentatively tested the power of his pheromones in an office environment.

'Will you still neglect me in the morning?'

"Dismissed corporal. I outrank you."

Don't let your your evil twin be your wingman when trying to pick up a woman in a bar.

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I Think Edwin's Going To Propose... His Lawyer Called Mine About a Pre-nup!"

"He's either 'still water runs deep' or an oxygen-depleted dead zone."

"You better leave - my husband is coming."

Cupid's Heart Dartboard

"So what are you doing this weekend?"

"My mating dances were unsuccessful, so I tried reciting poetry: didn't work either..."

'I love my wife, and I hate my mistress.'

"I married for contrast."