Wedding Strategist Pillows

'I haven't said I do yet. How quick can you get down here?'

'I sent out for everything.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

'Now I kinda wish we had planned a bigger wedding.'

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"And now, Marla and Dave will text their own vows."

"Look! I'm going to be a customer!"

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"The wedding cake as holy sacrament"

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Boat wedding.

"...until death do you a favor."

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"Mating dance? Good luck with that. I couldn't even get my husband to do the chicken dance at our wedding."

"He thought he'd stand out more in a body suit."

'Never mind singing it in rap... a simple 'I do' will suffice.'

'He does.'

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I always cry at weddings!'

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'Why can't he just say 'I do'?'

Wedding disaster #27.

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'