Divorce Philosopher Gifts

'Take it from me, hon. Divorce is the continuation of marriage by other means.'

Is man a social animal? - 'As a married man, the short answer is no.'

"It's not you-it's me."

"No, no - that's not the company sales, that's my marriage."

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

"I have been happily married... three times!"

'Your therapy helped me leave Frank. Franks wants to thank you personally.'

"You don't have to say anthing, but anything you do say may later be used in court by a divorce lawyer."

'If you dislike the term divorce that much, then just think of it as downsizing the time you spend together.'

A Man Visits A Doctor To Ask About Marriage.

You are cordially invited...

'She was upset about breaking up with 'Phoenix',your 'plenty more fish in the sea' just made it worse!'

'She originally told you she wanted love and understanding? Well, her list has grown.'

'One thing I need clarified: if we marry in church, is there any point in a pre-nuptial agreement?'

"An 'Irish divorce' doesn't have quite the same ring to it as a 'Mexican divorce'."

'I'm sorry, but according to this there's nothing I can do. It appears your species mates for life.'

"If I get married, will that count as a capital gain?"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'Nobody really agrees about what marriage is these days, so I'll just say 'Yadda yadda yadda.''

"Like the old saying goes, when the cat's away, the mouse better not do anything that'll get him choked out when the cat gets back."

"I liked you better as my first husband."

'This is our last date, Harry. I think I should see other weirdos.'

"She's high maintenance. I love her."

"This won't work, Josh. I'm bottled water. You're tap."

'I didn't get the settlement I was hoping for...turns out I'd already spent most of his money while we were married.'

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

"Didn't you find it attractive that he was a "Free Range Chicken'?"

'Your wife gets custody of the children, and you get custody of the babysitter.'

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

What's the matter, Emily? Jeremy the jerk dumped me. I can't take it. My whole insides hurt. You'll be better off without him. Thanks, Twig. Youre lucky you didn't fall in love. Sigh. I wish I had a broken heart!

"Norman, the proper response is 'I do'...not 'If I have to'!"

"You take small bites out life, Howard, and chew thoroughly."

'I got custody of the kids.'

'You get all the money and both cars? How is THAT fair?'

"In order to separate, one of us has to move out."