Heartbreak Humor Gifts

We can still be friends cafe.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

Romance

Excess Baggage: By the time the male of the species admits he is lost. It is generally too late.

"What I really wanted was a dog, but my landlord won't allow it. So I got married instead."

Barman In Love.

Phoenix

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

Randy the Love Doctor. What ails you, brother? My wife wants us to renew our vows and have a big ceremony. But I'd rather save that money for retirement. Should I tell her to go take a hike? Of course. That way, there's a good chance you won't have to worry about retirement at all. Exactly ... Wait, what do you mean by that?

"We can try and mend the damaged heart, but not a broken one."

"We can deal with many heart related issues apart from 'a heart torn asunder by the meretricious behavior of a mendacious lover.'"

"Can you recommend a nice red wine that goes well with a broken heart?"

Caterpillars in love

'No, you don't have hemorrhoids. You have a case of himorrhoids, has your husband been a pain in the butt, lately?'

'You've been faking it, haven't you?'

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

"The phrase is 'score,' dude."

'I miss the days when you used to wear cologne instead of just rolling in something in the backyard.'

Ereptile Dysfunction

"That word-puzzle gloat of yours is getting old fast."

Woman replaces her husband with her smartphone.

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

Daughter/psychiatrist

"Can we not fly in a "V"? Victor broke up with me."

"You're a lot easier to live with once your antlers fall off."

"I want something more out of this relationship. . . me!"

Valentines

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

'Darlin', what's an adjective for a two-timin', heart-breakin' outlaw that rhymes with iPod?'

"I came here because my podiatrist said he couldn't help me with my cold fee."

I know you can't forget, but you should learn to forgive...

'It's really nothing - Looks like baby boomer age spots.'

"Is the light bothering you?"

Tunnel of Love - LGBT Friendly.