Heartbreaker Humorist Gifts

R.A. is a nympho.

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Middle-Age Superheroes

OFA. Onion Farmer of the Year. I told myself I wasn't going to cry ….

Barman In Love.

Phoenix

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

'Now that's what I call rejection.'

Caterpillars in love

"In mitigation, Sunny Chemicals would like to point out that prior to contracting his skin allergy, Mr Crumb was already ugly."

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

'Your left ventricle doesn't know what your right ventricle is doing.'

'She kept pinching the Vicar's bum!'

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

Valentines Day Cats

A dog with a heart shaped hole in his body

Valentines

Surgeon Finds Heart Reading 'Be my Valentine'.

"If we're to have a serious relationship Nigel, you must stop ringing my bell and running away."

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

An elderly woman with a heart-shaped ear trumpet

I know you can't forget, but you should learn to forgive...

Tunnel of Love - LGBT Friendly.

"I know you're a brain cell, but can't you act more like a heart cell?"

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

Kissing Hands

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

Same Sexless Marriage

'Tech support? If I send a 'Dear John' email to someone named Bob, will it get through?'

'Do you have one that says 'It's all over but I'm keeping the ring'?'

A heart flies out during an operation.

"This here is a little number I wrote when I recovered a repressed memory."