Lawbreaker Humorist Gifts

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

Man stealing a speed camera.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

Loopholes

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

Justice

Fairtale prosecutions.

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."