Lawbreaker Humorist Pillows

Desert crawler sees 'No Crawling' sign.

Man stealing a speed camera.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

Fairtale prosecutions.

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Justice

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."