Law Breaker Humor Pillows

"When I saw you tearing down here, I thought 50 minimum."

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'It's okay sir, I'm private Johnson.'

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Corporate Lawyers

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"I'll let you ticket this one, Mick."

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

We Remove Lawyer Residue

"Guilty times infinity."

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

"He's my attorney, whatever happened to attorney-client privilege?"

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

A barrister with his first brief

'I like my plea bargain better. I plead guilty and you dismiss the charges.'