Lawful Humorist Pillows

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Loopholes

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"