Lawful Humorist Gifts

The real crime here is the way my client has been hounded by the vice squad for years. I know I've been victimized by them and I'm sure you have too, your honor. ! !

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

Barristers

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"We make crime pay."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

A baby in court

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Loopholes

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."