Lawful Jokester Gifts

'You're a lawyer? Well, are ;you here on vacation or just here for the refresher course?'

'So -- do you always walk right into judges' courtrooms without wiping your feet?'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"I saved us a hundred bucks on a Jolly Jumper."

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

A crab with a utility knife claw

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Okay, who's been messing with the copy machine?"

Drainpipe in a sombrero.

'Nonsense, Harry, it's my treat. I'm filing for bankruptcy tomorrow.'

"I propose a break from the office speak and two minutes of random profanity."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Justice

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

Lengray's 1,001 practical Jokes for beginners (a man getting punched in the face with a mechanical glove).

McWit Legal College

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"You idiots … we lost!"

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

"Guilty times infinity."

'The electricians hot-wired the building inspector's car seat again.'

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'

Dry Hard with a Vengeance

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"It's nice to see the police toughening up on juvenile crime."

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)