Judicial Jokester Gifts

'...In an attempt to speed up our backlog of cases we've computerized the scales of justice.'

"No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay."

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

'It's a thin line between love and contempt of court, your honor.'

'I'm leaning towards not leaning towards anything.'

"You want the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth?" (Colour)

"I just love that new class action lawsuit smell."

County Jail. When a lawyer charges $500 an hour to negotiate with prosecutors, the term "plea bargain" seems inappropriate.

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

'Maybe taking the immigration case is a bad idea.'

'My name is Judge Clyde Sandorf; better known as 'ol' tough as nails'.'

'Throw yourself on the mercy of the court...'

'YOU again?'

'There's no catch, Mr. Jones. We offer 100% bonefide, free, crummy legal advice.'

Justice

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"He belongs to a lawyer."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Arrogant junior barrister

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Antonin Scalia

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

McWit Legal College

"I wouldn't want to be in your shoes."

"Guilty times infinity."

'I believe it's 'feed a fever and starve a lawyer.''

'What could I have done? The defence's motion was written on legal tender.'