Judicial Humorist Gifts

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

Judge

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Loopholes

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'I got a suspended sentence.'

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Fairtale prosecutions.