Judicial Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Oh, boy!'

Antonin Scalia

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty?"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"Can you hear me now?"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

Judge

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"...And now show us what you said."

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'