Judicial Humor Fanatic Gifts

'Orders in the court'

"Not guilty?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Can you hear me now?"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judge

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

"Can't you see I'm busy? You'll have to make an appointment with my secretary here."

The Supreme Flip Flop!

Computer questionning a witness.

'I'm part of the drug culture. All I ask is that you respect cultural diversity.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'Since when is good will towards men a crime?'

'Do you promise to tell the truth?'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'If you wanted me to be cooperative, why did you appoint a lawyer for me?'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'You have been tried and convicted of insider trading. Have you any last tips to offer before I pronounce sentence?'

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'Oh, boy!'

'If you wanted me to be cooperative, why did you appoint a lawyer for me?'

"... and, since you are the defendant's agent, you shall serve ten percent of the defendant's sentence."

"Counsel will stop playing games."

"Remember, don't forget to show those puppy dog eyes."

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'