Judiciary Humor Gifts

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Luke Skywalker- Matrimonial Law

"I don't like lawyer jokes. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

'I wonder what the statue of limitations is on something like this?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

I hate these he shed, she shed cases.

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

Judge

'I warned you counselor, no more tricks.'

"Guilty times infinity."

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

'My client is requesting a little more wiggle room,your Honor.'

"If it please Your Honor, may I redo the bench?"

Prosecutor's Office. The judge threw out the confession --- He said it was coerced. You violated the duress code!

"As a mitigating circumstance, may I say that my client's getaway car was a hybrid."

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

'Sometimes I wish Daddy wasn't a bankruptcy lawyer. No matter what book he reads to me, he's only interested in chapter 11.'

Quasi-legal Pad.

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"Isn't it enough that I know the truth?"