Judicial Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

No, I'm not asking you to declare the witness hostile, you honor. Can you just declare him

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

Baby's first words.

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Judge Mental.'

"I get that quite a bit. Actually, I'm a lawyer."

Judge

"Can you identify the person who assaulted you and then stole your title?"

'Could you recommend a fruit that works for lawyers?'

'As to bond - while I personally have faith in your client the court cannot ignore the obvious risk of flight.'

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"But before we begin, this from legal, 'Be careful what you wish for.'"

'The prisons are overcrowded, so why don't you just drop and give me fifty push-ups?'

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

The Jury Decides.

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

Has anyone ever told you you're beautiful when you adjudicate?

I have a weak case, so I thought I'd use big word balloons.

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

Where legal teams but their outfits.

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

"Does this mean that you're ready to cop a plea?"

"And this is the juvenile court."

"Hockersmith & Associates. May we help you?"

"If she sings it's over."

'Oh, boy!'

'Sure, I've had a few run-ins with the law. But it wasn't all my fault. As a child I was once left … unsupervised.'

'Uh oh! I don't like the looks of that jury.'