Judicial Humor Appreciator Gifts

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

"Impartiality becomes you."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"He may be only a junior partner, but remember - his mother destroyed half of Tokyo."

Office supplies - Notebooks, memo pads and rap sheets.

Antonin Scalia

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"I'd never have known the joys of a journal if my attorney hadn't insisted I keep one."

Judge

Devil on trial - "We find the defendant guilty of being in the details."

The Sheepdog Trials

"We would like to request a change of venue to an entirely different legal system."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

'When I pled 'Not Guilty,' I forgot to say 'May I?''

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

'The End Justifies The Beans.

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

"In a case like this, a lot depends on which jurisdiction applies. Were you, by any chance, in international waters when you bit him?"

Computer questionning a witness.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

I tripped just now over by your bathroom. If I took this to court, I could get six figures. But I'll settle out of court for a lifetime supply of free coffee and donuts. We just had a huge earthquake. If you fell, it was probably because of that. You guys failed to think ahead and put in bouncy floors. Get out.

The Little Attorney

"All you need is love."

'Oh, boy!'

"Did any of these guys sell you the acid?"

'Well, that may be the law, Your Honor, but I don't think it should apply to me.'

'Orders in the court'

"Really, your Honor!"

The evidence will show, your honor, that the defendant is a master manipulator.