Judicial Humor Fanatic Pillows

'Orders in the court'

"Not guilty?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'No need to text me the answer to that. I'm right here.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

"Can you hear me now?"

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

Judge

"Your Honor, the witness, in my opinion, has failed to establish credibility."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"You want the truth, the whole truth, or nothing but the truth?"

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

The Supreme Flip Flop!

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

Computer questionning a witness.

'I'm part of the drug culture. All I ask is that you respect cultural diversity.'

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'Since when is good will towards men a crime?'

'I'm sentencing you to 100 hours of community service. Be at Twin Lakes Country Club at 8am sharp. I need a caddy.'

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'Do you promise to tell the truth?'

'If you wanted me to be cooperative, why did you appoint a lawyer for me?'

'You have been tried and convicted of insider trading. Have you any last tips to offer before I pronounce sentence?'

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'Oh, boy!'

"You can be your own attorney, but no, you cannot be your own judge."

'Hi, my name is Gil and I'll be your supplicant.'

"Counsel will stop playing games."

"... and, since you are the defendant's agent, you shall serve ten percent of the defendant's sentence."

"Remember, don't forget to show those puppy dog eyes."

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'