Judicial Humor Fan Pillows

'It's nothing personal , Prescott. It's just that a higher court gets a kick out of overruling a lower court.'

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

Judge

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."