Judicial Humorist Pillows

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Impartiality becomes you."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

Judge

Manspreading scandal at the supreme court.

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

"Oh dear, it's just as we suspected.. they do come from another planet."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

Loopholes

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."