Humorist Judge Gifts

"And what's more, you have a complete disrespect for the law."

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Impartiality becomes you."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Antonin Scalia

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"Simple yes or no. Are the cartoons funny?"

Judge

'And so 'Your Honor'... if that really is your name...'

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'We find the defendant guilty, the defense a showboater and the DA a legal mal-practitioner.'

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'The defendant and the witnesses were bad enough, but then the JURY got hostile.'

Computer questionning a witness.

"My attorney feels it's unwise for me to continue to represent you."

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

'We need our lawyers to perform CPR on this group...Confuse, Perplex and Rattle.'

'Oh, boy!'

'Case dismissed! -- I just reached retirement age!'

'I've been sued. Can I counter-sue for the stress caused by being sued?'

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'

'Orders in the court'

The US Supreme Court displays its rulings out front.

'I'm going to lay a guilt trip on you, man.'

"You're free to go. Please exit through the gift shop."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'We, the jury, find the defendant to be a brutal, morally bereft, unscrupulous scum-bag AND guilty as charged.'