Humorist Of The Judicial Order Gifts

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Impartiality becomes you."

The hour of justice

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

Antonin Scalia

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

Counsel examining witness

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'

A Scotsman in a court wearing sports gear is hardly news.

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Judge