Humorist Of The Judicial Order Gifts

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

My Brother Al once went through a period of depression, your honor. He would just sit around in his robe all day. Then his psychiatrist got him out of his funk. Would you like to have his doctor's phone number? ? ?

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Why won't you cuddle?"

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

'But your honor, imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.'

'The highest court in the land.'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

The hour of justice

Antonin Scalia

"Impartiality becomes you."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Counsel examining witness

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

A Court Reporter's Pocket Knife

"...and we hope that, for a cyber-crime, you will consider a cyber-penalty."

'Tell the truth: does this affidavit make me look fat?'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

''The buck stops here'? What a coincidence, your honor. My nickname is 'the Buck'.'

'Oh great, a machine with an attitude.'

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

Judge

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."