Judicial Satirist Gifts

'I sentence you to ten years ? thank you for choosing the Fourth District Court.'

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

SCOTUS Credibility

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'He started it!'

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"I got probation."

"Impartiality becomes you."

Antonin Scalia

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

Judge

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

Jury Room

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

TOO SLOW

Permission to approach. Granted. Denied.

Equal Time for All Christians

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."