Judicial Satirist Gifts

'I sentence you to ten years ? thank you for choosing the Fourth District Court.'

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

SCOTUS Credibility

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'He started it!'

Antonin Scalia

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

"Impartiality becomes you."

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

Judge

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

Jury Room

'They profiled me just because I'm a bank robber!'

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

TOO SLOW

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."