Justice Satirist Gifts

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

'Oh, I didn't have a trial. The judge said I was pre-qualified.'

"Biff's old money, Angelo is new money and Boris is funny money."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'Sure, I'm a working mother - is there any other kind?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'He started it!'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"Thank you for the rewind, Miss Cooper. Now let us fast-forward to that fateful moment in February and hit the pause button."

'It's an idea whose time has come, Mr. Mayor -- 'drive-through traffic court'!'

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

"I got probation."

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

'Your honor, we are appealing on grounds the post-trial book deals didn't match the pre-trial publicity.'

"Remember, we're not just making money. We're building prisons."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Of course, if you get your client off in the initial trial you're throwing away the appeal fee."

Robert Macaire as a Barrister

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

'So, I take it that diversity isn't a priority?'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"So, I’d love for us to think of this as less of a trial and more of a curated trial experience."

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

Jury Room

Pizzas

TOO SLOW

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'