Justice System Satirists Gifts

"Hey, new guy. What are you in for?"

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

'He started it!'

The old good-cop, psycho-cop routine.

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I got probation."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"We calculated your age by how many hours you billed your clients, and you are at least 96."

'I think you have figured out that, with today's overcrowded prisons, pleading insanity will put you back on the streets..."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

During the Holiday season, Mr. Arthur Jeffries takes a little time to think of those who are less fortunate.

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'Is your client qualified to give a urine sample.'

TOO SLOW

Supreme court chairs with IV bags

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"Parts and labor?"

"Your Honor, it was a lot for any jury to be expected to believe...but we fell for it."

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"I can't sue my insurance company because it was an act of god? Well, then, can I sue my church?"

'Not guilty by reason of millions of years of evolutionary selection for aggressive behavior, Your Honor.'

'I'm not kidding....my client is really insane!'

About That Lifetime Appointment Thing

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

Attorney at law - Rates: JusticeObstruction of Justice.