Justice System Humorist Gifts

Prosecutor trying to link parking tickets and library fines with gangland killings.

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'Did you, or did you not, say to the plaintiff,'I'm going to stooky you into next week, you wee bam'?'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"Twenty five years! But your honor,

"I got probation."

"Impartiality becomes you."

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

Judge

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

TOO SLOW

"Before we begin today, may I say that both my client and I were astonished that Your Honor was not nominated for the Supreme Court?"

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Lawyers chasing a sacrificial lamb.

A Judicial Error. (Judge has hit his thumb with his gavel.)

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- Guns don't have power surges!'

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to have your butt kicked.'

"It was merely a few warning shots to get the witness's attention, your honor!"

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

"Move to strike as non-responsive."

"We need two crates of lager and a bottle of scotch."

"'Somewhere in between' is not an acceptable plea."

'I'm sure the Senate will affirm my action.'

"We find the defendant very telegenic."

Santa Claus wanted poster.

"May we have a recess your honor? My client's pants are on fire."

'...Plus thirty days for not turning off your damn cell phone!'