Justice Humorist Gifts

Juvenile Court

'You'd think that, just once, somebody would have a reasonable doubt!'

'No kidding? -- Nine life sentences?'

'In accordance with California guild lines, I sentence you to death. You will be taken to death row where you will die of old age.'

'...You don't get out enough...none of us do.'

Life Imprisonment

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'He's not called the 'Hanging About Judge' for nothing.'

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

"Impartiality becomes you."

"No, officer, I don' t know how fast I was driving. I had my head sticking out of the window."

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

Judge

"Guilty times infinity."

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"

"O.K., O.K., house arrest."

"We all make mistakes, as Your Honor knows, having been twice reprimanded by the New York State Commission on Juridical Conduct."

Dreary counsel sending the judge and jury to sleep

'The hard time isn't so bad, but that community service is murder!'

Small Clams Court

Shoplifter behind a barcode.

'I think you should just plead ignorance, it's so. . . credible.'

Your Honor, We Find The Defendant 'Naughty'.

Are you guilty or not guilty? What happens if I plead guilty?

'If the members of the jury would look under their seats, they will all find a lovely gift from my client. . .'

"Your honor, we'll stipulate to the fact that he looks guilty."

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'Your Honor, do we need the jury judging my performance?'

'Guilty? Do you realize what that will do to my 'Who's Who' listing?'

'Costwise, are we thinking Kavanagh QL or Rumpole?'