Justice Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'...But enough about me — what did you do to deserve this?'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Mou...Man trap!

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Antonin Scalia

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'Must you be so judgemental?'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

Law 'N' Order

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

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