Justice Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'...But enough about me — what did you do to deserve this?'

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

Lawyer's secretary has in boxes labeled: Before the Fact and After the Fact.

"I must protest, M'Lud. Prosecurity counsel is blantantly attempting to wheedle the truth from the accused."

Mou...Man trap!

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

This government special reserve fund is like a cookie jar for crooked cronies!

Antonin Scalia

'... And I appreciate that you've 'saved the world from certain doom on numerous occasions', but you still have to pay your taxes.'

"Your honor, I intend to put the system on trial."

The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

'Your honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'not guilty, but not exactly innocent either'!'

A Lawyer's Closing Arguments Wins the Support of the Jury

'It drives me crazy when people whine about the collapse of the system!'

'Must you be so judgemental?'

'An injunction against the First Amendment? - Can we DO that?'

Law 'N' Order

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"You are hereby sentenced to one year of swimming with the people."

'Speak of the devil, there's my attorney now.'

"I sentence you 500 hours of community service - You can start by mopping this floor."

Mel Hoffman - Attorney TO the stars.

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"Do you swear you haven't embroidered the truth in your testimony today?"

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

"It's not really perjury if you're a compulsive liar."

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

"Well, perhaps 'guilty' is too strong a word."